Self acceptance? Not me, not my struggle.
You might think that. I did. I thought I was confident, independent and sure about who I was. BUT, I still found myself searching for more, thinking this cannot be all there is. Life felt like so much work, a constant search for purpose and meaning.
On my search for more, my mentor mentioned I might struggle with self acceptance. She showed me a list of qualities you might have if you wrestle with self acceptance, and it felt like a gut check…
• Judgmental spirit
• Strong perfectionist attitude
• Fear of the future (difficulty being present)
• Sense of aloneness/abandonment in times of decision
• Compulsion to compete/preoccupation with guilt.
Looking at this list, I quickly realized most of the way I moved through life was propelled by trying to please others, trying to get it right, doing what I thought would make them happy.
Let’s just call it what it was: I did struggle with self acceptance. I cared more about what others thought of me than about who I knew myself to really be. There was no freedom there, and certainly no dependency on God. It was up to me.
So, who are you really? Who am I? Going to God and getting the answer to this question was the very thing I was looking for. Taking it deeper and learning to release control and use this as the reference point in my decision making has been the real game changer.
I recently found this paraphrase of Colossians 3:1-4 and it really resonated with me, as it speaks to who I am trying to be these days. “Who I am in Christ matters more than what I think or what other people tell me about myself.” WOW! Can you imagine how much easier life would be if we all knew exactly how God saw us and didn’t worry so much about what others thought of us (aka trying to be accepted)? Wow, that would be real rest.